


Sleepless and Traumatized in Ohio

by thatdragonchic



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 01:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18928996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdragonchic/pseuds/thatdragonchic
Summary: Jasper and Julius fic! (Same Jasper that I pair with Mac, Julius is like.............. his Jack in a way. Set pre-mac, like by years)The two are going through it at the same time, and find comfort leaning on each other.





	Sleepless and Traumatized in Ohio

**Author's Note:**

  * For [altschmerzes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/altschmerzes/gifts).



“I don’t understand… He hasn’t spoken to me in years, I went to visit him at the prison and he never came out, refused to speak to us-”

“Julius, he wants you there, to testify on his behalf,” the lawyer says, trying to keep his voice down in the coffee shop. Julius shakes his head, glancing away as his hands fidget with the handle of the coffee mug in front of him. Finally he picks it up and takes a sip. “All you have to do is say you know your brother is a good man… that’s all. And then he might never even speak to you.”

“So I get him on parole and get the silent treatment? Sounds real deserving to me.”

“Don’t be hostile.”

Julius looks up at the white man in front of him. “You think a man of color expressing emotions is hostile? Then you consider yourself out of a job and he can get a new lawyer.”

“No, I didn’t mean- I’m sorry if it came off that way, I just… He talks a great deal about how much he loves you, and I know you’re angry with him, you have a right to be, but don’t you think he deserves sympathy? Your brother is a very close client of mine, he was wrongly convicted and I-”

“Stop… stop,” Julius says softly. “This is a lot for me to take in. If you could just… Can we talk about this tomorrow? I have work in the morning… it’s getting late.”

“Sure… If you’d like.” the lawyer turns in his chair and turns back to Julius. “You know… if you cared for him at all… you’d at least consider flying out to help him.”

Julius nods, but all the blood in his head was rushing through him, and he felt like he could hardly hear anything anymore. He stands from his chair, and leaves his mug, taking his keys from his pocket and leaves the man stranded in the coffee shop. He doesn’t know what to think, what to say, what to do… If there was anything to do. 

Driving home he considers swerving off the road, then nobody could say anything against him not going because he’d…. Hospitalized or maybe dead. He wonders if he died, would his parents come to the funeral? He hasn’t spoken to his mother in a long time. He wonders how she’s doing… if her and his dad had moved like they always wanted, if they were happy. He wonders about his sisters, he wonders if they went to college, he wonders what they’re doing… right then and there, what were they doing? Did they know that Ignacio was up for Parole? Were they asked to testify on his behalf? 

He pulls up to his building and just sits in the car, head leaning back against the head rest and he stares out the windshield, eyes trailing up to the ceiling. He takes a deep breath, trying to stop himself from spiralling. Did his lawyer mean it when he said Ignacio talked about him a lot? Does Ignacio know he was in the army, that he was a Marine? That his cover job was a think tank? That he had a criminal psychology degree? Did Ignacio know he lived in Ohio, in a town of mostly white people, in a nice building that had a maintenance man who wasn’t black or latino? That people respected him and admired him, even if he himself felt undeserving? 

Did Ignacio know anything about him at all? Or did he just love the little boy that he’d left behind when he went to jail; when he crawled into his mind and let everyone make stories about the thug from downtown LA? The little boy who had long been abandoned by his family, who out of shame and fear figured they failed one child, they could only fail the others too… he wasn’t that little boy anymore. He wasn’t the Julius who Ignacio read stories to, and carted through the streets of LA. He’s not even sure Ignacio knew him at all after he turned 16, and Julius was only a 10 year old boy, abandoned by his best friend in the whole wide world. He had watched Ignacio become that guy, he had watched him get carted off 3 years later for a crime he was at least somehow involved in- even if it was minor. He watched Ignacio suffer and pay and he watched his family burn down around him.

At least their parents fed them. That’s usually where the love ended. 

Julius sniffles, trying to hold back his tears. He wonders if Ignacio was crying for him too, if he truly did want Julius there. If he’d maybe show up at that table if he went to the jail now. 

He finally gets the courage to get out of the car and walks upstairs to his apartment, unlocks the door, but instead he finds it already unlocked. He blinks, confused and stands a bit straighter, getting ready to take on whatever intruder was on the other side of the door. He quietly opens the door, grabs his gun from drawer in the little table by the door and quietly shuts the door before rounding the corner to the living room, where instead of an intruder, he finds Jasper crying on his couch, hugging a pillow to his chest. 

Julius’ shoulders slump, swallowing thickly. 

“Jasper… you okay, mijo?” He asks, putting the gun down on the TV stand. “Hey… hey what’s going on?” he moves slowly, going to sit beside Jasper, the young man shaking his head and moving so he’s curled up into Julius’ side. His head presses into Julius’ shoulder, sobbing profusely there. Julius shushes him softly, wrapping his arms around Jasper and holding him, rocking him gently. “Whatever hurts… it’s okay… Jasper it’s okay…”

 

It’s the morning, and Julius was cracking eggs to prepare for an omlette. Jasper was chopping vegetables beside him. Neither of them had said a word past good morning since waking up. Its tense, and quiet. He’d kept beside Jasper all night, neither of them slept though, and even if they took to sharing a bed often, Jasper repelled the idea of Julius being anywhere near him all night.

“He kept saying… that he knew I was gay,” Jasper whispers finally, Julius looking up. 

“Who said that?”

“C-Carter… We got drunk, he was being stupid, I was sobering up, but he just… he was on a roll, he was set he was going to drink his liver out I guess. And he kept saying he knew I was gay, that I was in love with him… or that if I wasn’t in love with him, I would be. And he kept saying that I should kiss him… just to know. And I kept saying no, or I think I said no… I feel like I said no.”

“What did he do, Jasper?”

“He just… He kissed me. That’s all… it’s so stupid,” he says, shaking his head, bowed in shame, and Julius can see his lip quivering.

“No… No it’s not stupid,” Julius whispers, taking the knife from Jasper’s hand, and moving to turn Jasper and pull him into his chest. “It’s not stupid… What he did was awful. Even if you  _ are  _ gay, you’d be a fool to fall in love with him of all people. I’d like to think you have better taste than that.”

“W...what?” Jasper asks as if not expecting that answer.

“It’s okay if you’re into guys, you know that right? Some people are just like that… It’s not… it’s not a big deal.”

Jasper nods, brow furrowed and Julius pulls him back against him. “I could kick his ass for you later,” Julius whispers and Jasper nods, resting his head on Julius’ shoulders.

“I don’t like him,” he says softly. “I hate him...  I hate him so much Julius.”

“No you don’t-”

“I do,” Jasper asserts. “I just… All my life, I was forced in my house because my parents thought maybe I was into boys… and they arranged me in a marriage, forced it into my head that I was abomination if I ever looked at a man like that. And he just- insisted all night long… I thought he was my friend.”

“He… he gets stupid when he’s drunk,” Julius whispers. “He probably feels awful.”

“What about me? I… I… I don’t get it okay? I just… I want to believe you when you say it’s okay, but I feel so guilty, and so much of me feels like I’m going to just…  _ get killed  _ or something if anyone finds out-”

“Whoawhoawhoa, you’re not going to get killed. Your parents were awful, twisted people. But you’re not there anymore, and this is your life. And if you… if you genuinely feel like that… like you are… into men, or if you- if you don’t know and you want to find out, well I’m sure we can find a gay bar-”

“A what?”

“A… gay bar? Gay men go there just to get drinks, find other guys.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Sure. And in New York there’s gay owned restaurants, and theres movies about gay people and they’re not just sex.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. It’s not… you’re not a menace. You’re you and you deserve to love whoever it is you choose, whether or not… whether…. Whoever it is or not.”

Jasper pulls away, wiping his eyes. “There are guys… who date other guys, and people are just okay with it?”

“A lot of people… more people than in the past.”

Jasper nods, arms crossing over his chest. “Oh…”

“Yeah…”

“I… I never knew that it was okay-”

“I know, and what Carter did to you was awful. You deserve to discover that part of yourself and understand it on your own.”

Jasper nods. “Sorry for breaking in by the way… I didn’t know where you were and I left my phone at Carters I think.”

“I uh… I was with my brothers lawyer.” Jasper looks up confused and Julius defensively wraps his arms around his torso. “I uh… I have a brother, 6 years older than me. When I was 13 he was arrested… and when I was 15 he was thrown into Jail for life. Uhm… they’re giving him parole, or well, a case for parole and they want me to testify for his character.”

“I’d offer to kick his ass but I think Prison’s probably… sufficed in treating him like shit.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Are you going to do it?”

“What…?”

“Speak on his behalf.”

“Oh… I haven’t decided yet. I told his lawyer we’d talk again tonight.”

“Hey… You’re not a bad person if you don’t do it.”

Julius smiles, kisses his forehead. “Come on, let’s make breakfast. We need to at least look like we’re not both traumatized and sleepless.”

“I mean it.”

“What?”

“You could say no.”

“I guess so… I just… I haven’t known him in so long.”

Jasper nods, going back to chopping vegetables for their breakfast and Julius whisks the eggs and spices them. He adds a bit of pancake batter to make them fluffy. “I know you’re… a bit traumatized, but can I ask you something?”

“Maybe?”

“Was Carter a good kisser?”

Jasper laughs, and throws a pepper at him. “Oh my god.”

“What? I just want to know! Your first kiss with a guy, I’d at least hope it’s good.”

“Oh right, because that’s toooootaally the reason you want to know.”

“It’s just… he gloats a lot about how great he is-”

“My only point of comparision is my ex fiancee that I was arranged to marry, who was a woman and that is…. Definitely a different experience.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know… I was terrified the whole time, and he was drunk.” Jasper gives Julius a look. “Stop coming up with awful things to call him, or I swear, I will banish you to the far side of the lab.”

“Hey, who’s the parent here?”

“It’s me now.”

“In your dreams. Shut your ass up and get the frying pan out.”

Jasper scoffs, and Julius rolls his eyes, a fond smile coming to play. Jasper grabs the frying pan, and looks over at Julius. “So… do you remember much about your brother?”

“I uh… I mean I used to. But since last night I keep trying to… to remember what he looks like, and it’s like he’s never had a face.”

“Like slenderman?”

“Kind of? I just… I can’t remember him. Or what he liked to do, or what his voice sounded like… I don’t know what he even looks like now, let alone if his voice is the same. If I saw him, I don’t know that I’d know him… and I really want to.”

Jasper nods, setting up the pan so it’s heating with a bit of butter on the stove. “I think… I would want my older brother in jail.”

“Why?”

“He’s a bad man,” Jasper says softly. “Everyone in my family… they’re bad people but he… he isn’t just brainwashed, he is… evil. I believe it.”

“Yeah? I thought you liked him.”

“I’m one of 8 kids. I have 3 older brothers and 4 younger sisters.”

“Geez.”

“My parents have never heard of condoms I guess.”

Julius laughs. “I guess so.”

“Take comfort in the fact your brother probably has nothing on mine.”

“Maybe they’ll meet each other in hell,” Julius says and Jasper nods. 

“Maybe… Maybe Carter will join them.”

Julius nods. “I know you’re angry at him… but I honestly don’t think he wanted to hurt you… not in the way you think he did. I think he… he wants you to open up about yourself, about who you really are- we all do. We want to watch you grow and be comfortable with yourself. He just… was drunk and not thinking, and Carter sober doesn’t think very much sometimes but… I don’t know, I don’t like him much but I know he loves you.”

“What?”

“Not… romantically, but he cares a lot about you. And trust me, it’s hard for Carter to really care for someone. So, drunk Carter thought he was… helping. He’s probably destroying himself inside out for hurting you.”

“He loves you too, you know.”

“He doesn’t-”

“He does. You just shut everyone out, except for me, because I have great puppy eyes.”

“It’s true, who could say no to that baby face?” Julius teases, squishing Jasper’s clean shave cheeks. He laughs, and Julius does too. “You should grow out the beard, I think it’d be handsome.”

“You do?”

“I do. You’d look great.”

“I’ll think about it… Carter loves you too.”

“I just… I don’t hate him.”

“I know.”

“Don’t tell him… about Ignacio.”

“I won’t… I don’t really want to talk to him for a while anyways. Is that stupid?”

“No… And, if Mel doesn’t know… well, I guess, don’t stir up trouble.”

Jasper nods, watching as Julius prepares the omelettes. And they eat in quiet, but it’s not tense like before. The two sit across from each other, taking solace in the fact that they were all they had for each other. For now, they were all they had for each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> I hope you guys enjoyed


End file.
